Torn Asunder
by Soukouno Kimmonkyou
Summary: I have lived for 17 long, hard years. And in those many years, I have found many with who I thought I was in love. But it was only for one man that I had the truest feelings for. My Own Darkness short story, loaded w/one-sided CartmanxKyle.


Torn Asunder  
Cartman One-Shot

I have lived 17 years. Seventeen long, hard years.  
Well, if you like precision, 17 ¾ years. But that's not really the point.  
In the short time I have lived, I think I have experienced more than even an 80-year-old man could have hoped for. Those who knew me, or at least thought they knew me, would say that I live a rather normal life.  
But as for me… I have had a rather rocky childhood since my 8th year.  
It all began with a certain project in 3rd grade. It was in regards to the South Park flag, and whether or not it should be changed. Being the fiery anti-Semitic boy that I was, and realizing just how racist our flag used to be, I wished with all my might that it would stay the way it was.  
But then…  
"Ooh, Mr. Garrison!" Wendy Testaburger, Stan's current girlfriend, waved her hand impatiently in the air. "I would love to lead the fight for changing the South Park flag!"  
"Okay, Wendy," Mr. Herbert Garrison, my 3rd grade teacher, wrote that girl's name on the board, under the column that read "The Flag Should Be Changed."  
Well, of course. Knowing that strict girlfriend of Stan's, it's typical. If she had the resources (or without proper resources), she would have brought down the Nazis all by her little lonesome. Which gives me an idea…  
"Mr. Garrison, may I also go for changing the flag?" I begged, raising my hand.  
"Okay…" The green-garbed teacher sounded like he doubted my intentions. "So, Eric and Wendy are going to lead the 'Flag Should Be Changed' side."  
Perfect. This is the perfect opportunity to do Stan in. A little beating once in a while couldn't hurt him. I can't believe he actually thinks he will win against me, being on the side of 'The Flag Should Stay The Same.' He's such a wuss…  
Or, at least, that is what I thought at first. I had no idea what to do for this project. Furthermore, the subject matter did not interest me in the slightest, so I could not stay on focus.  
"Hey, Cartman!" Wendy called me over a plate of Double Stuf Oreos. "Are you even paying attention?"  
"What?" I spoke, dazed. "Oh, sorry about that…"  
"Geez…" Wendy rolled her eyes as she took two Double Stuf cookies.  
"Oh, you like Double Stuf cookies?"  
"Why, yes. They happen to be my favourite snack."  
"Me too! Hey, you know what I like to do? Take them apart like this… and make Quadruple Stuf cookies!"  
"No way!" Stan's girlfriend exclaimed happily. "I love to do that too!"  
It just so happened that at that moment, we happened to touch hands while reaching for the plate of cookies.  
"Oh… Sorry," I apologize, blushing slightly.  
"No… It's okay. Let's… Let's just concentrate on our research, shall we?"  
Though my attentiveness at the time was even worse than it usually is (and trust me, that is saying a lot), I was dazed by the odd coincidence. It… Could I honestly have just done that?  
It was now the day the day of the speeches. Stan, Kyle, and a few of their other peeps stood on the opposing side, I and Wendy on the "Change The Flag" side. I honestly wonder if Wendy had been acting any differently since the Double/Quadruple Stuf incident.  
"So, we'll hear your thoughts first," the South Park mayor told Wendy and I.  
"Um… Okay…" Wendy stumbled upon her words. "Th-The first thing… The… The…"  
"What's wrong?" questioned the mayor.  
"I'm… Stan, forgive me!" Wendy stuttered in embarrassment. As if she had to used the restroom or something, that girl jumped off of the podium, leapt up to me, and planted a kiss on my lips.  
"W-WHAT?!?!" Stan screamed in an outrage.  
"Okay, I think I can give my speech now…" Wendy took a deep breath, doing as promised.  
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" I stuck my tongue at the now-aghast Stan.  
But why? What made me feel triumph at that moment? Is it possible that I… wanted Wendy to kiss me all along? …Nah, it couldn't be… Could it?  
The speeches soon ended, and in the end the flag got changed. It was now completely non-racist, as it was previously believed to be.  
As I stood there, staring at the sky, thinking of how different South Park would be because of this change, I heard Wendy's footsteps in the snow.  
"Hey, Cartman!" She grinned as she waved at me.  
"Oh, hi…" I couldn't look at her in the face. At least, not now.  
"Listen, about that kiss from earlier… I thought that I was attracted to you, but after letting it out in a kiss like that, I no longer am!"  
Ah! So… So, that kiss was out of sympathy, was it?  
"Stan!" she shouted. "Stan! It's okay now!"  
As she left, I thought to myself, _Dammit. That was a stroke of bad luck. And I really thought that we could actually be together…_  
But that was only the beginning.  
There's that other kid, the one who is so gullible that one could trick him into eating his own excrements or the like. I even got him to get a box of tampons for Stan's sister, Shelley, once.  
I'm talking, of course, about the innocent kid Leopold Stotch, whom everyone calls "Butters."  
I would love to tease him about everything. I remember this one time when we were in the town of Aspen, and the night previous to the morning we went skiing, I gave that dope a Hitler mustache. I would tell you what that is, but not only is it an insignificant event in my life; it is just downright disgusting when I look back at it.  
He's also gotta be one of the gayest kids I had ever met.  
There was this other time when I wanted to prove that he was actually gay. How did I do this, you might ask? One word: pictures.  
In today's society, photography and its technologies can go far beyond what they once did. With this in mind, I hatched a diabolical plan.  
Butters slept in my bed, being the lazy boy that he was. I was about to do something that was way worse than that Hitler mustache.  
I pulled Butters pants down, took what lied within in my mouth, and snapped the most beautiful picture I had ever taken.  
The next day at school, I had that picture in my hand, ready to show my friends how gay Butters was.  
"Hey, hey, guess what!" I could barely contain myself as I approached Stan, Kyle, and Kenny.  
"What?" Stan asked, not seeming very amused.  
"Butters is gay! And I have proof of it!" I told them, whipping out my picture. "You see that? When he was sleeping last night, I pulled his pants down and put his wiener in my mouth? Now doesn't that make him gay?"  
"Dude…" Kyle shook his head. "That doesn't make _him_ look gay - it makes YOU look gay!"  
"Uh-oh…" My face fell, not believing what I had just heard. All of my hard work was for nothing? Oh, Butters, I'll have my revenge on you yet!!  
I thought of the perfect way to get back at that guy for making _me_ the gay one. It was so evil, so well thought of, that it would do what he did to me, only one hundred times back.  
"Hey there, Eric!" he naively exclaimed upon arriving at my house one night.  
"Oh, hiii, Butters…" I tried to sound as casual as possible.  
"What did you call me over for?"  
"Oh, you'll see soon enough," I told him as we walked to my room. "You'll see… All right, Butters, put this blindfold around your eyes."  
"Okay…" Butters, as expected, did as he was told. He was always obedient, that one.  
"Now, duck your head down…" I instructed as I pull my pants down, "…and open your mouth."  
"Uh… It feels... squishy…" the kid moaned.  
"Ah…!" I paused for a second, not knowing why. And then, I asked myself.  
What was the _real_ reason I was doing this? Did I _really_ want to get revenge on Butters for making me look like a dumbass? Or was it something… more?  
Nonetheless, I manage to take the picture of Butters acting like a gaywad.  
I only vaguely remember what happened after that. Oh, yes, now I recall…  
Later, I decided to take the nicely done photo of gay Butters (which is like calling a dog a "canine") to Photoshop. Though Adobe wasn't that advanced back when I was eight years old, it was still enough to really do some damage. You know what I did with that picture?  
I cut out Butters' face and replaced it with Kyle's.  
Kyle Broflovski… He was the one person in my life who gave me the most trouble. I really hated him since I met him at age 3. I remember that moment clearly, when I tried to prove him to be gay. He got in the deepest trouble…  
At least, I _thought_ I hated him…  
The most resonant memory I have of Kyle was when I saw a leprechaun. Kyle doubted me, so I though I could make things interesting.  
"Kyle, if we see a leprechaun, you have to suck my balls!" I demanded.  
"Oh, it's on, fat boy!" he yelled at me.  
A lot of my friends and I then decide to go in search of the little munchkin. I have read and heard that they live in forests, so we went there. It seemed for a very, very long time that the search would never end…  
"Fellas! Fellas!! I think I spot something!" Butters alerted the group. "It's… It's a leprechaun!"  
"Wh-What?!" Kyle sounded worried. "You can't be serious!"  
"But I am! Come look!!"  
"No… No way!" Kyle gaped as he stared at the little creature run. "This cannot be!!"  
"Ha!" I pointed at that Jew boy. "Ha-HA! Now you have to suck my balls, you loser!"  
"F-Forget it!" Kyle thundered. "I am not doing it!"  
"Then why did you make a bet like that in the first place?" Stan asked.  
"I… I didn't think that leprechauns actually existed!"  
"Well, too bad, so sad, you goddamned Jew!" I couldn't help but dance my little victory dance.  
Then, all of a sudden, a total doucher came by the next day on a blimp to take Kyle away from me. He was some retard from where he called "Imaginationland." He took us there, and it only got worse. Though Kyle and I stayed together for a fair amount of the time, many mishaps went on. My memories of that time are very vague…  
But one thing was for sure.  
I was willing to do anything and everything to get Kyle to suck my balls.  
Yet there was one thing I was not quite sure about.  
Why was I so desperate?  
"All right, let's get down to business," I proposed, sitting at a table in a U.S. government building with him. It was a very private room, so none would disturb us. "Kyle, I do believe you have to suck my balls…"  
"Well, fine." Kyle finally gave in. "Let's make it really quick and get it over with."  
Is he serious? I… I can't believe he's actually agreeing! I feel completely elated right now… My heart was racing so rapidly that I thought I would suffer a heart attack just then. Were it not for my ability to control myself at the worst of times, I would have died very early.  
"When you suck my balls, Kyle, are you going to think of how right I was about the leprechaun, or how rough and salty they feel in your mouth?"  
Uh-oh. For some reason there, I was beginning to lose my sense of self. I felt like I could not control what I said, as if Kyle was controlling my speech for me.  
"Argh! Let's just do it!"  
"In time, Kyle. You must be very eager for balls."  
Now, why the hell did I say that?  
"Are you perhaps feeling ball-famished? Ball-starving?"  
No! Cartman, stop! You would never say things like this…  
I was going to get next to that boy, ready to give him what he deserved. I just hoped he wouldn't get close enough to hear what lied underneath my chest…  
But then, there was a huge explosion outside.  
"Everyone, we have to get in the portal!" shouted some dude from the government.  
"Okay!" Kyle ran away from me and to that dude.  
"B-But he still has to suck my balls!" I began to panic. "It's a requirement from the court!"  
"I'm sorry, but this is urgent business."  
"N-No!!" I cried, still following Kyle.  
I really wanted him to get that kid to suck my balls. For some stupid bet, no less! I really thought he was going to do it, that what I wanted more than anything at that time was finally going to happen… But when we were so rudely interrupted, I couldn't feel any worse.  
But Imaginationland wasn't called such for nothing, luckily. So when things there quieted down there a bit, I used that imagination of mine.  
"All right, Kyle! I am going to imagine you and me…" I announced, doing as promised.  
"What?" Kyle apparently was not pleased by what was happening so far.  
"Oh, what are you doing, Kyle?" I laughed. "Guess what he's doing, everyone? Kyle's sucking my balls! Oh-ho-HO, you naughty girl!"  
Everyone else was disgusted at this sight, especially Kyle. It was clear that the others were very disturbed, but at least they contained their disgust, for the most part.  
Kyle, on the other hand, looked like he was about to keel over.  
As for me, I experienced only the sheerest happiness. Even though it was not truly happening, even though it was but a mere illusion… To have my dearest wish granted right before my eyes… I felt not only the greatest victory, but also as if all my troubles were laid to rest.  
After that moment had occurred, after everyone had seen my most precious vision, I realized something.  
The worst part of my childhood was figuring out with who I was truly in love.  
Wendy seemed like a possible choice, but she and Stan were already together (even though she broke up with him when they were about ten years old).  
Butters seemed gullible and eligible enough. But when I told him I loved him, not only did he coldly reject me, but I realized that I did not really love him at all. The reason he was always around me was because I tricked him into doing so, because he was merely an object for me to tease, not to love.  
I even thought I was in love with Kenny. I loved to make fun of him for being poor and for dying nearly every single day. He was a great friend, and fun to be around. But he was also very perverted. I wanted to tell him that I might have had feelings for him, yet after seeing him get high over cat urine, I didn't think that he would be right for me. And so I let go of any feelings I might have had for him.  
Kyle, though… I found nothing wrong in him. Sure, I loved to make fun of his Jewish religion, among other things. Ever since that fateful day of our meeting, many years ago, I felt this strong urge to tease him. It was not until sometime in my 9th year that I figured out why. After imagining him sucking my balls, I knew why I wanted him to do so.  
_He_ was the one for me. I realized all along that my seemingly hostile actions towards Kyle were just there to prevent him from finding out. I fell so deeply in love with him that it burned. Burned like hellfire.  
It truly tore me asunder.  
This burning was so resonant, so utterly powerful that it became real. After I felt it to be uncontrollable, I went to my dearest mother for guidance.  
"Mom… Mom!" I ran to her, fire engulfing me. "Something's wrong! I can't… I can't control this fire that keeps on emitting from me!"  
"Oh… Oh my gosh…" Mom stared at me, almost dropping the coffee maker she was holding.  
"What does this mean?"  
"~Calm down, spirit of flame…~" she chanted in this odd language as she touched me. The incantation caused the fire to die down very quickly. "Phew… That's better. I didn't realize your power would awaken so suddenly. I though that you would gain your bloodline's ability on your thirteenth birthday."  
"My… ability?" I cocked my head in confusion.  
"Eric… This is something that I absolutely forbid you to tell your friends, or anyone else for that matter. Do I make myself clear?"  
"Sure."  
"Ever since the days of our first ancestors, magic has been practiced by only a select few of people on Earth. However, there were three mages who could cast better magic than any other. They wielded the tomes of Rexcalibur, Rexflame, and Rexbolt… and came to be known as Ashunera's Three Archsages. The very first Cartman happened to be particularly adept at magic himself. Thus he became Ashunera's Archsage of Fire. Eric… You are his true heir, his greatest descendant. You are worthy of becoming the Archsage of Fire."  
"M-Me? So, that's why this is happening… But Mom, why aren't you the archsage?"  
"I was, but… Ever since you were born, the Rexflame tome wasn't as strong as it used to be. In my hands, anyway. Only those of true Cartman lineage are able to wield it. But it is in the hands of the Archsage of Fire that Rexflame's power is the most potent. When you gain the right abilities… At the proper time, you will become the most renowned archsage since the days of the goddess."  
"Ooh! Ooh! When can I wield it? What I would do with a magic book like that…"  
"Patience, patience, Eric. You will not to be able to wield it until you have acquired much magic skill. This will take years. But in time, Rexflame will want to be in your hands. Still, one thing troubles me slightly…"  
"What is it?"  
"How did your ability awaken? Did something happen?"  
"Um…" I flushed as red as my coat. "Aww, do I have to tell you?"  
"It would be best that I know, yes."  
"Ok, fine. I… I fell in love with Kyle."  
"Kyle Broflovski? The Jewish kid you tease all the time?"  
"Yup."  
"Well, shucks. So, it takes a fall into the pit of love to awaken magical prowess… Eric, you may go now."  
After I left the room, I felt more powerful than ever. That Rexflame tome had to become mine. Over the many years, I practiced the arts of fire magic, trying to be worthy enough…  
Then, on my sixteenth birthday, it happened. I became able to wield it.  
But I didn't want to do so just to "take over the world (or even taking over the world at all)." My true reason for wanting to use it was to protect the man I loved.  
And it succeeded, for a while. But simply knowing how to generate fireballs out of nowhere could not win him over. I decided to take more drastic measures.  
I travelled to his birth country of Hatari to befriend his mother, the Wolf Queen Nailah. While there were many rich wolf laguz in that country, it suffered problems such as poverty, too. I would help Kyle's people so he would recognize how generous I was.  
"So, you are a friend of my son, are you?" the queen asked me.  
"Yes. I really want to do everything I can to help his country. Is there anything I can do? I want to help him."  
"Well, if you are a friend of his, I can allow it."  
"Oh, thank you! Thank you, Your Majesty!" I bowed down.  
As soon as I was an official aide of Hatari, I got to work right away. I fed the poor, cooked their food with my fire magic, and helped Hatarians build homes that would last. I even played with both poor and rich children, which was not something I would normally do, especially since they would always urinate in the pool.  
Then one day, when I was heading to Hatari's castle to ask Queen Nailah for my next task, there he was.  
Kyle Broflovski, the one whom I had the deepest feelings for. I really felt relieved at seeing him…  
Unfortunately for me, however, he did not feel relieved at seeing me. That guy lifted me by my collar, held me to the nearest wall, and shouted, "How dare you show your face in my own kingdom?!"  
No… I tried so hard just to get him to know that I am here to support him, and he greets me like _that?_ Were my efforts in vain? Should I even continue helping the Hatarians?  
I really thought that I should. It would be for the best, and I'll never know if he'll eventually fall in love with me.  
The night before we planned to take over Castle Sienne, I heard a moaning noise as I tried to sleep. It really disturbed me, and I could not even shut my eyes without it waking me straight up. For a while, I could not tell who it was.  
Why didn't I think of it before? That manly, resonant voice… It could belong to none other than Kyle.  
"Kyle? Are you okay?" I crawled to his futon, which was only a few feet from mine. "What are you doing?"  
"Nothing! Go away!" Kyle reached his arms behind his back. I noticed that before he did, his arms were conspicuously right in front of his chest, his hands below his waist. I wonder… was he… doing _that?_  
"I'm only worried-"  
"Tomorrow is the day that we capture Sienne, and you're worrying about unimportant things I'm doing?!"  
"I'm sorry, Kyle…" My heart sank and my mind weakened slightly. "Forgive me. It was not in my place to ask."  
"No, Cartman. It is _I_ that should be sorry. I just really want for all of us to survive the attack tomorrow. Many of us will live, and many of us will die. Cartman… I really want you to be one of the people who lives."  
Just then, I felt him pat my back, as if to congratulate me on losing more weight or something. Either he would feel my temperature from being to close, feel my heart oh-so-rapidly beating with that hand, or employ that spot-on hearing of his to listen for my heartbeat.  
"Do… Do you honestly think that I will survive?"  
"You're the vice-minister of Begnion, and you command the legendary Mage Order. I do not doubt at all that you will see the light of the day after tomorrow."  
"Thank you, Kyle… If we were still 9 years old, you would have never done or said anything like this."  
"You _have_ helped my country a great deal. You have also stopped teasing me altogether… Tell me, Cartman, why is that?"  
"It… I'm just doing it out of my own free will!" I gritted my teeth.  
"But _why?_"  
"Oh, forget you!" I lay back down in my futon, covering myself with the sheets. "I don't want to talk to you until the morning!"  
This is really, really bad! If he keeps on interrogating me anymore, he's going to find out that I love him. That must be avoided at all costs until the opportune moment.  
Kyle… There are just so many reasons why I love you. You're smart, kind, giving, athletic… Every girl's dream boy. But one of the things I love most about you, something that not many get to witness, is your godly singing voice. It's a sacred sound I hardly ever get to hear myself.  
But near the Serenes Forest… I knew I would find you. Your father's birthplace, a picturesque sanctuary, always echoes the songs of herons. Though many sung there as I listened, I could recognize your sweet, alluring voice as it reverberated many times in my heart.  
Not too long after this song had finished, however…  
"~I hope you and Apostle Stanley end up good together!~" cried a little girl in the ancient language.  
No… Kyle and Stan… had ended up engaged? So, that's why Kyle kept on looking at that gaywad like that over the years… No! It can't be!! If… If I had told him of my feelings sooner, I-  
"The herons are so kind! I wish everyone could be as open-minded as they are."  
It was none other than the man of my dreams. I thought it best to get revenge on him now.  
"And I wish you would think as highly of me as you do others!" I exclaimed in an almost tearful voice.  
"Cartman… What are you doing here?"  
From there, I tried everything in my power to convince Kyle not to go to Castle Sienne alone. But I knew it was absolutely futile… So I decided to tell him how I felt now, before I missed the chance to do so.  
"I know you're in love with Apostle Stanley! Why did you pick _him,_ of all people?!"  
"Wait… How did you know he was the apostle?"  
"I'm the vice-minister of Begnion! How could I not?"  
I couldn't hold onto my mind-power for much longer… Quickly, Cartman! Tell him, before he sees it himself!"  
"You are so damned stupid! I'm helping you because I love you, Kyle! I'm in love with you?"  
"What?" Kyle could not act any more surprised. He constantly asked questions about my love, too – when did it start, did you really hate me, you hate actions were a hoax… Things like that.  
Just then, I thought of something that would make him even more flabbergasted…  
I attempted to seduce him.  
"Argh! Cartman, get off!" he needlessly begged.  
I had waited so long for that moment… And now, it was finally here. I tasted the lips my mouth had yearned for. I felt the chest that my fingers wanted to feel. But just as I was about to reach into his pants…  
"Aooooooowwww!!!!" he howled, becoming a winged wolf and slashing me with his razor claws.  
"Kyle… Ouch!"  
"I'm sorry, but I am not in love with you," Kyle told me. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have my boyfriend to see."  
Even though I had felt more internally hurt before, this was the strongest physical pain I had ever felt. I knew that Kyle's fighting prowess had improved much, but damn!  
Yet it was not the most physical pain I had felt before my last day.  
We had just defeated a great number of the Disciples of Order, the fist of Ashera, a few weeks after the Serenes Forest fiasco. The whole battlefield had been declared clear of the enemy for only a few minutes. Stan might have been my rival in love, sure, but at least he was kind enough to accept me into his empire. Perhaps there, I would finally make Kyle mine…  
But what was that? I heard charging footsteps coming right my way, even without Kyle's supernatural hearing. Or, rather than in my direction, it was going for the wolf prince himself…  
"Kyle, get down, now!!" I ordered.  
"What...?"  
For a while, I was terrified that the duke's staff had stabbed Kyle's chest. But after feeling grave physical pain in my heart, where the staff had pierced, I felt relief. This consolation completely belied the hole that penetrated my chest, the blood that flowed from it nonstop.  
If it was to save Kyle's life, then it mattered not even if excruciating pain engulfed my entire being.  
"Cartman, can you hear me? Oh, by the goddess, please live…"  
"I'm… I'm so glad that you're alive, Kyle…"  
"You're going to get healed soon!" Kyle grabbed my hand and cried on it. The tears that dripped on my hand felt like a drizzle of cool rain on an overheating summer day.  
Stan even tried to use his magical healing ability Sacrifice on me, but I refused.  
"I am not… worthy of your attention… Protect Kyle in my stead… That is my dying wish…"  
"Don't talk like that! You're going to survive, all right!" Kyle cried, his words giving me extra confidence that he would live for a long time. "Why the hell did you do this?!"  
"I told you… already… I would sacrifice everything I had… for you…" I coughed blood up, and that was the last thing I did before closing my eyes into the afterlife. I do remember Kyle futilely trying to wake me up, but it took him forever to realize that I would not be coming back to life, unless someone was to sing the galdr of legends.  
Yet just because I was now dead did not mean that I could not feel with my body.  
Right after I had died, I felt wet lips upon my own. I did not even have to think of who did it, for I knew it was Kyle.  
Kyle, the man I teased for being Jewish, for being different, for being him. Kyle, the man I loved more than anything.  
And knowing he kissed me to wish me well in the next world made me feel all the better.  
Even many years later, being in the afterlife for over a decade, I watch you and your new husband Stan, protecting you with all I had. Why not take my Rexflame tome, Kyle? I know it is a magic book that only Cartman family members can use, but have it there to protect you.  
Because even now, and for many ages to come, I will watch over you from heaven, overjoyed that you are now contented.


End file.
